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Really, think about it.....love is crazy. The truest form of love, expressed all over in the Bible, the kind that loves your enemies even after persecution, the kind that loves others as yourself. According to what the world sees and lives, the love depicted in the bible is crazy and deprives ones self from moving forward or from being strong. I have been reading a lot about love in the Bible and from the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan lately. The more I learn about true love, the more i realize how different it actually is then what the world sees true love as.
-They see love as a feeling, a temporary and conditional feeling, whereas true love is a choice, not based on emotion, but on the unconditional love of Christ given to us.
-They see love as something to achieve or to get from someone, whereas true love seeks to give to others, at all times seeking one others being, higher then themselves.
-They see love as the bond between husband and wife, family, friends, whereas true love seeks out the poor, the needy, the ones who wrong us, the forgotten, the unknown.
If I were to be wronged and betrayed by someone, to the world's standard I should stand up for myself and fight back. But that is not at all what the Bible teaches. The bible says to love your enemies, to turn the other cheek, to forgive. The world would look upon me crazily if I didn't seek back revenge. They would call me weak. What I've come to understand and instill in my heart more and more, is that it doesn't matter what the world thinks. True love confuses the world.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you went crazy? not literally maybe, but figuratively. All you could think about was that person, all you wanted to do was talk to that person, everything you did was purposed to spend time with that person. That's crazy! And what if this person you loved so crazily betrayed you by making fun of you or ignoring you? Would this "love" continue, or would you begin to find feelings for someone else? Now imagine this...God is you in this analogy, and you are the one he is crazily in love with. You have ignored him, not given him the time of day, and you have betrayed him by constantly choosing sin over him. The world says seek revenge and move on. But God does not belong to this world. His love transcends all! After being betrayed and ignored, forgotten and denied, God did not give up, but sent his one and only son to die for us!!! After all we've done, God still has chosen you.
From the beginning of time, he knew you, he knew everything about you, he intricately crafted you inside your mother's womb, guided and disciplined you through your life, and set up a path so that you might hear his Word and be saved. That's crazy to me! How could God love me that much when all I do in a day is get in a groove and forget him most of the time, and then betray him with all my sins and shortcomings? And after i finally grasp that love (of which i seek to do everyday) how can that love not pour out from me? And not just to those who love me back, but to those that have betrayed me, like i have to the One who loves me more than anything i could imagine.
As I learn more about this true love, I realize, we can't be bogged down by what the world thinks love should look like. Our job is to love God, and to love others! Simply stated. I want my love to be so evidenced by the world, that they call me crazy and push me away. I want to love God so much that it makes others uncomfortable as a child is when his/her parents kiss. I yearn to share this love, to give, to serve. I yearn for a movement in all of our hearts to make this love so widespread that the world know longer knows what to do.
I thought I would keep going on these early posts with characteristics of love that people know but never really grasp. Love being unconditional is one of those concepts. Just about everything on our planet is conditional. We live in a highly selfish society where love is only given to those that deserve it or have done something loving toward us first. When someone does do something loving toward us, we automatically assume its because we did something to deserve it. Its so hard for us to understand what unconditional actually means. And I know some of you out there are like, "I know what unconditional means, I'm not stupid", then you are just like me! So many times in my life, in so many different areas of Christianity have I felt like I knew the answers to everything, and to be completely honest, I do know a lot of the knowledge of what is in the Bible. The problem I continually face is instilling the knowledge I have into my heart; To not just know what it means to live your life a sacrifice for others, but to actually have it in my heart to go do it; To not just know that I don't have to fear because God is with me at all times, but to actually step out and trust in that promise; To not just know and understand what love is, but to actually love on others. Until you truly know and feel what unconditional means in your heart, you can have the definition, the language of origin, the pronunciation, you might even know how to use it in a sentence, but it will never really mean anything to you. I'm about to get real open in this posting so be prepared. A lot of times in my life I find myself feeling like a failure, sometimes due to the stupid situations i constantly find myself in, sometimes due to fear and not being able to step out. Whatever the instance is, lately I have been feeling like that. I'm constantly struggling with thoughts of why anyone would even want to merely like me or hang out with me. Just this last week in a car ride in the middle of the night, I found myself getting angry at myself because I couldn't even get over the fear of taking a risk and being honest. A lot of times like that, (it may sound silly) but then I automatically assume that I'm a failure, and because I am a failure, then they must not like me anymore, and it just goes down hill from there. It's severely dampened a lot of the relationships Ive had with people. And I don't just find myself in these situations with friends; I find myself doing this with God a lot too. I can never wrap my head around no matter what I do, God will always love me and want to keep spending time with me. I forget God's love; I forget that God fearfully and wonderfully created me. If I could take 10 minutes of your time to go check out a video of part of the "How Great is Our God" tour. It changes my perspective every time i watch it.
This Link will take you there
Doesn't that just blow your mind? the whole series of videos, if you ever get the chance to watch them, will rock your world. Sometimes in our lives, we forget about small details like that. We live what we see, and we forget what we don't. God's unconditional love is one of those things we have a hard time seeing. Getting into the word this morning, and listening to songs of God's love, and reading what God is doing in others life has all helped me start my day today. I've fallen away lately from getting into God's word as Ive been traveling, which is probably in part why I find myself feeling like a failure all the time. Every time I watch that video, I can't help but remember the love God has for me. Guys, He will never leave you! grasp that today. His love is unconditional. Don't just know it, Go and live it. No matter how many times you feel like a failure like I do, take heart, for God is still there lifting you back up. So take his hand, get back up, and continue to try and love Him as he loves you.
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18.
I have spent the last two weeks in the amazing, beautiful, picturesque city of Durango, Colorado. In this post, I hope to offer at least somewhat of a good snapshot of exactly how awesome my time was there. Fear was conquered for sure! ok, so here we go, try to keep up.
Day 1: The Drive I left at 5:15 in the morning out of Tucson (which to my surprise was the exact time of the sunrise) and then I continued to drive through Phoenix, Payson (beautiful city!), Navajo Nation, and finally entering the southern Rockies of Durango Colorado. On my arrival, I met something like 7 or 8 girls and then 3 guys. Luckily after North Dakota arrived, it balanced out to 8 girls and 7 guys. We played some epic games of pool pig, ninja, and other various games and discussions to get to know each other. Not much really happened the first day (other than the fact that i fell in love with Durango) so with that, we move onward.
Day 2: Souls, Falls, and Welts I woke up in the man loft of the lodge (my only night ever sleeping up there because it was too hot). It was the fear of vulnerability day. We opened the day with some awesome worship, and then got right into our soul to soul groups where we opened up and shared about our lives and our fears. It was just a great time talking and opening with one another. Later in the afternoon, we did some epic trust falls of a scale i had never encountered. Little did I know I was afraid of falling, but i learned one thing at the fall that i would carry with me the rest of my time there and for the rest of my life. Rip it off like a band aid. I walked up, without even showing a sign of being afraid and fell straight back. Later we busted out the paintball slingshots and played in the rocky slopes near the lodge. For my first time playing paintball, it was pretty sweet. I still have not had the pleasure of getting hit with a paintball, even during our civil war shootout (which is where we just stand in a line with no cover and just shoot at each other. That night, I slept in the rightful spot outside on the deck with my sleeping bag and a mattress. After that one night under the stars, and the beautiful sunrise to follow, I was hooked.
Day 3: Confrontation, Durango, and Rafting I woke up with the three other guys (Mike Rich and Dakota) who had decided to sleep outside as well, and was greeted by a beautiful sunrise! The first of many to come. Today was one of the first scary days i encountered. I was freaking out all morning. We had to go to various stores in Durango, and a) tell a cashier that Jesus loved them and b) confront the manager about the content and placement of the scandalous magazines by the checkout lines. I confronted Walmart about their magazine along side with Kadi, and we actually were able to have a pretty good talk with the assistant manager who did not like the content as well. I felt very accomplished because I was freaking out. This may be a surprise because I hid it so well, but believe me, just about everything I did, i was freaking out inside. After we went to one of the grocery stores, we saw a beagle get hit by a car and we tried taking it to the hospital but it died on the way there. That was hands down, the saddest part of the trip. We also had to give blood on this day, but not to use it as an excuse, I was having some heart panic attacks which was kind of scaring me and raising my blood pressure. So I was unable to partake in that task along with a lot of other people. We all met up after that and ate at Serious Texas Barbecue which is some pretty legit food. And then we all went rafting as a group. That was pretty darn sweet. I love me some rafting. Once again, we slept outside that night (Dakota decided to sleep out in the middle of the field). By the way, the temperature on most nights was in the low 30's.
Day 4: Repelling, Darkness, and Trust After eating breakfast, and having a wonderful talk on Identity and then the contrast between trust and fear, we split into two groups, one of which would go repelling first, and one that would go exploring caves first. My group was the repelling group. It probably took us 45 minutes just to all get our waist straps on right. We decided Kadi should go first because she was obviously the most afraid. And even though it took her forever to make it over that initial drop, she conquered that cliff like a champ. I then went next and just ripped it off like a band aid. After that, i stuck to taking pictures of everyone else going. 3 hours later, the other group arrived and we switched places and drove down to the cave. i had no idea what to think of this activity but afterward it was one of my favorite things. It was dark, and muddy, and there were a lot of holes and deep crevices. When we got to the back, we took some group pictures and then had a moment of pure darkness before heading back out. It was such a great day just to learn that no matter what we go through, God will always be there, no matter how dark and backed up we get, God will always be there, and when we choose to step out in faith for Gods Glory, God will always be there.
Day 5: Testimonies, Sharing, and crowns in heaven.
Talk about getting out of your comfort zone, today was the most uncomfortable day for me (it will also probably be the longest story). We each were assigned to various churches in Durango, Bayfield, and Ignacio, and we had to get up in front of the church to share our testimonies. so a little background for you, what i consider my home church is Applegate Christian Fellowship in southern Oregon. It is a church of around 5000 and there is an outdoor amphitheater as well as an indoor normal church area. One band in particular is the worship leader there, Seven Places, and many other lead singers and artists (such as kutless) come out of this church so its always filled modern hip music. Fast forward to my small church in Ignacio. Im sitting there in the pews of Ignacio baptist church and so far the average age of the people walking in in around 70 or 75. Finally a couple younger people enter and lower that average just a little. To start us off, we read out of a hymnal which was an experience for me. Oh and i forgot to mention, there were 23 people at church that day. So after the songs, i got up and gave my testimony and before i knew it, all was done. The pastor then went on to talk about pretty much the same topics as me, finding your identity in God and being a child of God. I thought that was pretty tizzight. 
So then the people that were at the small towns of Ignacio and Bayfield met at a church in Ignacio and we went sharing. Background on this town...Ignacio is a hard hit town of poverty, drugs, and alcohol. At only a population of a little over 1000, 50% is probably from the Southern Ute Indian tribe. We tried walking around and talking to people but there was hardly anyone outside. Me and my partner, who was just entering his freshmen year of high school; grown up all his life in Ignacio and Durango, went door to door, searching for people to talk to. After getting the door shut in out face once, being completely ignored once, and then getting turned down once, we finally found a guy who was entering his house from his car and got into a conversation. He said he was brought up in a christian home but isnt real proud of where he is right now. i shared a little of my testimony with him and asked if he wanted to develop a relationship with God so that he can feel proud of where he is right now. He said he didn't have time and left for work. So the first evangelizing experience was quite a time. That night we watched the Bema video which is a video of a sweet skit done at a church which encompasses the part of heaven where we are given crowns based on our work on earth, and us laying our crowns down at Jesus' feet. It was an amazing video!!! Definitely affected the way i look at things. Everyone should get a chance to see the video. Well that is all for day 5. A lot of story, but not very many pictures taken.
Day 6: SNOW DAY!!!!!
So this was the day when we were supposed to go on a solo camping trip, but overnight while most of us were sleeping outside, it began to snow. Mike and Rich and whoever else left that night, woke up in the middle of the night and moved inside, telling us, "guys, its snowing, you might want to come in" of which i replied "perfect" and covered myself in my sleeping bag. April, Lindsey, Kadi, Dakota, and I woke up that next morning covered in around 2 inches of snow. it was majestic. The low that night was in the low 20's and the high the next day didn't even reach 60. With that said, we ended up not having our solo that day. We, instead, had a free afternoon where me, Joel, Paul, and Dave hiked down to the waterfall near our lodge. We took a lot of pictures of the waterfall and the rapids. We even tried damming the flow of water (not very successfully). It was a beautiful area for sure. Not too much happened on this day, other than more games of pool pig, and an epic game of signs.
Day 7: All Alone ...
Today is the day, . . . the day we would spend 24 hours in the wilderness alone. The temperature had risen enough to enjoy the time with God. We spent all morning packing up and getting oriented with our equipment. I brought an extra pair of clothes, a sleeping bag, a lighter, a flashlight, two ropes, a plastic tarp to protect us from weather, and a bag of food. Nate walked me out to my awesome camp site near the marshes where the only way to get to it was to cross a log. I set up my camp site by getting the fire wood and preparing the fire pit. I made a bench, a pulley system to hoist my food 20 feet in the air, a sundial, a bathroom, and a devotional bench in the shade. It was sweet. Oh i forgot to mention i brought my guitar too and spent multiple occasions just worshiping. I read the entire book of second kings. I walked about about a half mile to the rapids on 3 occasions to read the bible while i was perched over the water on a cliff. When my sundial hit about 7pm the sun went behind the trees so i started my fire and ate. it wasnt long after it got dark that i huddled up in my sleeping bag, let the fire dwindle, and fell asleep under the stars for a peaceful night sleep. The solo would continue on the next day.
Day 8: Reunion and grueling hikes
The next morning, it took me 45 minutes and a thumb blister to start my fire because everything was damp. I then ate my food, worshiped and had some more devotionals. When my sun dial hit 11 o clock i packed up and headed back to the lodge. Found some sweet areas to take pictures such as the one to the left when i found a nice little rapid. After we got back to the lodge, we repacked, ate lunch, and headed straight back into the wilderness for our grueling leadership hike. We were split into 4 groups of 4 members and then leaders. My group only ended up with 3 students, Alyssa, Katie and I, but we had 3 leaders, Leah, Jesse, and LouAnn. The leaders were only their for safety and couldn't help out. One student had to lead the group however they thought necessary and one student had to be absolutely silent. We rotated positions every hour. They dropped us off really far away, showed us the mountain we were trying to get to, and gave us a elevation map. We had to cross a river on a log, then climb a grueling ravine that climbed 2000 or so ft in elevation, and then climb a really long trail to get up to the lake in the mountains. It took our team 4 hours and 30 minutes and we were the first ones to the lake. But another team who left after us, got there in 4 hours and 18 minutes. The other two teams were a story in themselves. One team had to use a rope to wade across the river and got there in 5 and a half hours. The other team ended up getting a ride to the lake. They still ended up at about 6 hours. We made camp at the beautiful lake but i didn't have my camera so you have to take my word for it. We ate, and then went to bed out of exhaustion.
Day 9: Hiking back and hangin' in Durango
After a BEAUTIFUL morning, a walk around the lake, devotionals, and breakfast, we packed up and hiked back downhill to the lodge. The rest of the day was pretty much free, so after taking a short nap, Dakota woke me up (and kadi because she fell asleep too) and the three of us plus Stephanie, April, Alyssa, Joel, and Katie drove down to durango to hit up the town. We went to Coldstone and then on Kadi's request went to Ralph Lauren where everything was extremely expensive. Other than that, not much happened. Another game of signs occurred on the way back (my sign was a wildcat, repping the school!!!). I got to watch veggie tales on the drive. That was basically the day. very chill.
Day 10: Evangelizing in Durango day 1
I do not have any pictures of the next two days, but the last day had a lot so i will be posting pictures from the last day. Anyway, Today was also one of those days where i woke up and just wanted to quit. I get so scared when I have to go share the gospel and its not because I don't want to share the love I have, or that I am scared of confronting others, or anything. I just don't ever know what to say and my spoken word is so hard and slow to formulate sometimes so i always think i am going to screw something up. Anyway, i was scared out of my socks. I was very happy when I got paired with April though. She is an amazingly kind and loving, and listens very well, so I knew it would be a good sharing experience. That calmed me a little. Me and April were dropped off at a park around 1:30 and were told to "meet at the rock at 4 o'clock." sorry it was just so catchy. We found two guys enjoying a summer lunch and April asked them if we could join them and if they wanted to take our picture survey. One of the guys was named Skyhawk, and was a native American in the process of moving. The other guy, forgot his name, was a very analytical science oriented guy. April and I took turns asking them questions on the Soularium of which SkyHawk would talk for 15 minutes each time. It was a great conversation that really provoked thought in both of them. Sometimes Skyhawk, who had a spiritual background, would go back and forth with the other guy who was agnostic. We went through the gospel with them through the 4 spiritual laws booklet and then finished the conversation just talking about animals and stuff. When we were done it was 3:18. We tried to start another conversation with another guy and got through the pictures with him but he didnt want to talk any further. After that 10 minute convo, me and April didnt really have any time left so we walked along the river and chit chatted about lives and i took some pictures on her phone. It turned out being a great day!
Day 11: day 2 in Durango
I was getting kind of sick on this day so it wasn't the best day for me at all. It was hard enough being out in the sun of durango sharing. For that day, I was paired with the awesome Stephanie! We were dropped off in the South East corner of downtown durango. Being in the park was so much easier for me. In downtown, it seemed like everyone had an agenda and were in very large groups. We ended up, well Stephanie ended up talking to someone who was working at a booth for a while. After that, I was just getting so overheated and overwhelmed. We walked down the entire downtown and then ended up sitting at a bench for a while in the shade and just talked about things that bothered me. Then one of the main leaders, Kyle came up, and no sooner did he arrive and ask us how we were doing, another pretty drunk guy came up and asked us a question of which Kyle jumped on and started a very long conversation that led into his spiritual background and the gospel. After being very overwhelmed and put on the spot, i shared my testimony with him and he got very serious all of a sudden because he felt he had abandoned his children by leaving for war. We gave him our contact info and told him to think about it. He kept telling me to reconnect with my dad, of which we told him to reconnect with his heavenly dad. That night, I started feeling very sick and feverish and weak and we had to give a 10 minute teaching on a snap shot of God. I had chosen true love while i was on my solo and had gotten the entire outline done and all the verses ready but had since not had time to finish it. After everyone finished theirs. I had to give mine without my notes and completely from memory from 4 days prior. It wasnt very good but i got most of my point across and only forgot one verse and point of my outline. after that i was feeling ready to pass out. I immediately went outside and went to bed.
Day 12: talks, jumps, trees, waterfalls, bonfires!
The last full day! We spent the entire morning going over our spiritual gifts and stuff like that. I found out mine were Teaching and Serving which i would have already thought. My 3rd was a little surprising. it said leadership. ...We had one on one time with our disciplers. Mine was the awesome Nate, who taught me a ton of ways to make my next year work with men's group. He taught me bible study ideas, and men's hangout times, and soularium tables on the mall, ways to get get guys interested and grow our mens group for cru. I learned so much. All the men in Cru better be getting prepared for an amazing time! We are going to step up to the plate and become the leaders we are supposed to be. After that, Dakota, April, Katie, and Lindsey went to the waterfall and took some sweet pictures. We took awesome pictures jumping off rocks, we freestyle climbed some aspen trees. We shot some clay pigeons. I hit the first 6 or 7 in a row before missing. The hidden talents i keep finding in myself. bizarre! And then to finish it off, we had a massive bon fire, where we burned the old deck and the old foos ball table and a bunch of other stuff. It was A-MAZE-ZA-ZING! We then slept outside for our last night :(
Day 13: Durango and the Drive home...
The last day, we had to say our good byes to the ones flying out. We all packed up and cleaned. Over the duration of the trip my tire had deflated, apparently it had a nail in it. So after I packed, I had to go to town and get it fixed which was only 12 bucks and i got 3 free sodas and water for the trip. Dakota, Kadi, Steph, and Lindsey, and I went to serious texas barbecue one last time, and then went shopping downtown to all the sweet stores. We each got color changing sea horses to remember our time. But then, sadly, everyone had to leave, so i went back to get my fixed tire remounted on my car and drive the 9 hour 15 minute drive back. I ended up taking an accidental detour but never panicked. i ended up just going through a very scenic northern part of navajo nation in arizona. (the roads were horrible!) I got back at a little after 11 at night. And that was my trip!!!!!!!!!
If you would like to see all the pictures, they are on my facebook here, here, and here!!!! i thoroughly hoped you enjoyed my story and pictures. It was such a great experience!!! Have a great day!
Its been a crazy week! I seriously don't even know where to start. I have seen God's love in the most real way and yet I still can't seem to get it. Just today, I fell back into my same old trap of letting my feelings get the most of me; trying to tell God what I want instead of letting his love rule my heart. And all this frustration and doubt just a day after barely getting through a day alive (by the grace of God) ok, so maybe we should rewind and start at the beginning of the weekend where I did a lot of reading and devo time.
Friday
My favorite character in the old testament of the Bible is Elijah!!! I can definitely relate the most to this guy and so going through my devos again this week, I find myself in 1 Kings reading about the story of Elijah. A little back drop action for you: Elijah had just prayed for no rain and it came to be. He survived during the drought and famine through crazy miracles of God. He healed a widow's child. He took on 450 prophets of Baal and showed them up. He then prayed for rain fervently and God miraculously provided rain again after 3 years. This guy is a titan of faith. And yet, just after all this, we find Elijah in a cave, hiding from a single women, complaining to God that he is the only true prophet left and that God should just take his life. But look at what God does here as Elijah throws his pity party.
1 KINGS 19: 9-15
And there he went into a cave, and spent the night in that place; and behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and He said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” So he said, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.”
Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.
So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” And he said, “I have been very zealous for the LORD God of hosts; because the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.” Then the LORD said to him: “Go, return on your way to the Wilderness of Damascus; and when you arrive, anoint Hazael as king over Syria. Also you shall anoint Jehu the son of Nimshi as king over Israel. And Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel Meholah you shall anoint as prophet in your place. It shall be that whoever escapes the sword of Hazael, Jehu will kill; and whoever escapes the sword of Jehu, Elisha will kill. Yet I have reserved seven thousand in Israel, all whose knees have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not kissed him.”
This passage rocked me in so many ways! first off, I too, after just witnessing the power of God, often times find myself depressed, feeling alone, or just plain frustrated with life. Elijah, here, feels alone and he lets God know. But what does God do? He simply allows Elijah to think. In this passage, Elijah is on Mount Horeb (mount Sanai) The same place where radical miracles had happened to reveal God's purpose to his people. Elijah is probably expecting God to come to the place and show him a sign or a miracle, BUT God comes in a still small voice instead, asking him the same exact question. Elijah's response is identical. He still feels alone, probably frustrated that God's plan isn't lining up with what he expects anymore. And yet, after this, God still uses him and tells him to go, get back up on his feet and continue serving the purpose. That is amazing to me. If i would have been God in this situation, I would have given up on Elijah who has seemed to quit when the slightest thing fell against him. But i am not God, and I am thankful, because I am most likely more like Elijah, and I definitely need God's grace and patience everyday. So i read this on friday, not thinking incredibly much about it.
Saturday.
While heading home from our men's retreat, sleeping in the passenger seat, the driver lost control of the vehicle going 75 on the freeway in pretty heavy traffic. In my complete incoherence, the vehicle did a 180 degree turn went across two lanes of traffic, went off the road between two trees and went reverse first into a ditch. All I remember is a loud commotion, screeching, and the loud impact of the car into the ditch. I have no visual memories. And then the craziest thing happened: Me and the driver both walk out of the car with no bruising, no cuts, no pain, completely fine. Only after I walked out of the car, did I truly wake up and realize what just happened. We hit no cars. We went around a tree backwards and missed it by just under a foot. And then we dropped 2 or 3 feet into a ditch, completely ripping apart both bumpers of the car (without setting off the airbags). The impact snapped the guitar in the back seat. I will have pictures of just how miraculous this all was soon, but for now entrust my description. God's hand was on that car! He wanted us alive!
Sunday
Oh how quickly I fall. I just took part in a miracle on my life. I might not have been here today, and yet I still forget about God's love almost instantly as I get frustrated with my own life. I struggle with feeling alone. And this feeling often leads me to getting into a bad mood or depressed. And usually its because of girls. I have this deep instilled fear inside of me that I will have to spend the rest of my life alone, and so I wrongfully spend a lot of my time trying to work things out through my strength, searching for girls to like and trying to make it happen on my time. Today, I got frustrated because the girl I have gotten myself interested in seems to continually push me away. Quickly, I become frustrated, jealous, bitter, and it takes a while as I sit there in my cave, to begin to listen to Gods small, still voice asking me what I am doing again? So if I have learned anything from this weekend, It's that God's love and mercy are completely undeserved. How could I have ever deserved to live through that? How could God still love me after all I have done and here continue to do? I dont know the answers to these questions, but I know that he does.
And that amazes me.
It's 11:30 at night. I tried going to bed around three hours ago, and yet due to the heat in my room, I have found myself staying up creating this blog.
Over the years, especially this last one, I have learned a lot about love. And not just your typical love that you hear everyday in songs, on television, or at the movies. I am talking about TRUE love, agape, the love only God can perfect. 
I have had my failures, my victories, my heartbreaks, my joys, my deserts, my mountain tops. My view of love has flipped completely around multiple times in the last couple years of my life. But one thing I have stayed firm on is the overwhelming love from God that I have witnessed in my life. I may not know how to perfectly love others all the time, but I know someone who does; I may not not feel loved by those around me all the time, but I know someone who does love me; I may spend a lot of my time and effort trying to find love in my life, but then I remember I already do have a love who will take care of me no matter what!!!!
As I make more posts in this blog, know this: They won't all be happy. They won't all be sad either. But I can promise you this: That as I live the journey that is life, when I overwhelmingly catch a small glimpse of God's infinite love, I will write about it; when I get down and depressed and wonder where love is, I will write about it until I figure it out. When I see the beauty and complexity of life, I will write about it. This is my life, every part of it. No editing the frustrations, nor the joys. This is my journey after God's heart. This is my journey to find what true love is . . .
