Saturday, August 21, 2010

Love is Indescribable!

It has been quite a battleground this week. For some bizarre reason I was getting really attacked this past week or so (or possibly up until the point I was told I was going to be men's team leader for Cru). My heart and mind have been getting beaten down and it was really wearing me out, and i assume my relationships were wearing as well. Over and over again in my mind are the feelings of inadequacy, of fear, of awkwardness, of being unloved. Some days, I would be alright, and others, I wouldn't know what to think as Satan continually lied to me. How could I possibly influence the other guys in my group? Who would ever listen to me? Why would anyone want to hang out with me?

I came to a point yesterday, where I was sick of it and so I went to worship God at the Friday night worship service. I got there early to do some pre-game reading done and to get ready to beat up this constant source of lies and confusion. When worship started, I focused in on giving my entire heart and mind to worshiping and talking with God. At various points during worship, I would flip open my bible and read something - and on one occasion I flipped to one of my favorite areas: God's promise to the captive Israelites during the Babylonian rule.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 NKJV
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, AND I WILL LISTEN TO YOU. And you will seek me AND FIND ME, when you search for Me, WITH ALL YOUR HEART.

Of all the times I had doubted, I knew God was listening to me. Worship continued going amazingly as I just focused on God. You ever have those instances where you are worshiping, and you can't do anything but look up? It almost seems like you are staring at the ceiling, but it's like you are looking past the ceiling, past the clouds, past the planets. Or where you feel so loved by the father that all you can do is wrap yourself up into a ball as he comforts you? You probably all have different experiences but you know the feeling that I am talking about. When I first came to write this, i brainstormed what I would title it. What was I feeling? of various ideas were: Love is comfort, Love is Joy, Love is life, Love is surprising. All of those are correct, but when it came down to it, I felt more than just joy or comfort. What I felt was indescribable.

The pastor kept interjecting worship with prayers that just struck me. He would pray for more love on those that needed it, and just for a fatherly love to guide and comfort. At one point, he even had people pray around people that needed a hug from God. To say the least, I think i was supposed to go that night.

So take heart all you are hurting, confused, or under attack, call upon and pray to God with all your heart and you will find Him. HE WILL LISTEN TO YOU. He will comfort you, provide joy for you, direct you, protect you, and ultimately, He will unconditionally love you.

Its Indescribable!

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